i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
