check it out our google latitudes are spooning
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
