Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
