You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
