u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
