Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
