Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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