Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
