how hairy? two words: wookie tits
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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