Soap is not a condiment
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
