So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
