I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
