Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
