I smell stomach acid.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
