cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
