Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
