If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
