TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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