He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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