You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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