I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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