Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
