Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
