ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
