Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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