my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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