New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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