He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
even my farts smell like vagina
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
