so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
