bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
