Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
