The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
