I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
