we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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