you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
birth control should be required to get into college
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
