i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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