so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
