I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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