Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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