yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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