3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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