i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I cannot find my penis.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
