just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
