He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
