Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
