margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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