Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
