I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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