We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
