and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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