i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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