I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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