can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
