just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
