Since when is my name a synonym for head?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
