it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
