Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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