What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
