Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
