$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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